Coffee Solves Everything
by Tailsdoll123
Summary: "Listen you little freak, this is my coffee! If you want some, you're going to have to kill me for it!" "Heheheheh!" "OKAY, OKAY! TAKE THE COFFEE, JUST STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!"-There's only one way to deal with a Jockey and that is COFFEE!


**A/N: Inspired by a comic I saw on DeviantART, I just HAD to write this!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Left 4 Dead series**

**Claim: Sam belongs to me.**

**Warning: Language**

**Enjoy~**

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**Coffee Solves Everything-**

Sam sighed to herself as she nestled onto the couch, drinking her warm coffee. A coffee was a great way to deal with the stress of a zombie apocalypse.

You see, after the Green Flu spread and turned all the nice neighbours she knew into blood crazed cannibals, Sam had to actually get her lazy butt off the couch for once and attempt to get to safety. Unfortunately Sam has never used a weapon before and it's not like any were lying around.

She had to rely on the baseball bat that her father was scared off. Long story short his younger brother, her uncle, would chase him around with a baseball bat and a hockey mask.

It scars you, you know.

So anyway, she had found an abandoned house that seemed safe enough…for now. She planned to rest up for the night and try to get to a safe area tomorrow, as far as she could tell, there were less infected during the day then at night.

Just as she was about to take another sip of her drink, she suddenly heard a creek. Dismissing it, she was again rudely interrupted when she heard giggling.

It then registered in her brain what she was hearing. A Jockey.

She froze, glancing around fearfully. She knew what those things did. They practically humped you! She really did not want to be humped by a deranged zombie.

The laughing started again, but it sounded much closer then Sam remembered.

"Heh, it's almost as if it's right next to me," she chuckled but froze.

Why was their breathing on the left side of her neck? Turning around slowly, she came face to face with the deranged Jockey.

If this wasn't such a bad situation it would almost be comical how her face froze.

The Jockey reached out with it's bloody claw like hands which caused Sam to unfreeze from her frozen state.

The bat was no where near her, left in the kitchen in her haste to get coffee. What was she supposed to do? She was going to be killed by a really crazy zombie, probably crazy in zombie standards too! At least from what she could tell the zombie was a male with messy blood-stained orange hair and deranged red eyes.

It was then that the Jockey noticed the cup that his prey was clutching. It grabbed his attention and he snagged it from her, causing the human to shout 'Hey!' at him.

He sniffed at the contents, judging the liquid safe to drink and drank it one gulp. She gaped at him, mourning the loss of her drink.

'It's bad enough that it's going to kill me, but it drank my coffee too?! Little bastard!'

While she was contemplating how she was going to maul the Jockey for taking her precious drink, because NOBODY touched Sam's coffee, the Jockey seemed to have frozen-though he still had his creepy grin on his face.

That stuff he just drank….IT WAS AMAZING! IT'S LIKE HE'S PUMPED FULL FO ENERGY! He needed to have more…

The Jockey turned to the human, who was glaring at him and held the cup to her face, nudging her.

"Huh? What do you want you little creepy shit?" She asked him, but got nudged again.

It dawned on her. The Jockey wanted more coffee. This could actually work to her favour.

"I'll get you more coffee, if you promise not to kill me." She told the Jockey and as if he could understand her, he nodded while giggling.

"Ehh, that's close enough."

So taking the coffee mug from the Jockey, she went to the kitchen and prepared another coffee for the Jockey, who was looking curiously while she made it.

She was kind of wondering herself why she was making coffee for the infected, I mean her bat was just right there. But then she realized that she could not be bothered to try and kill it, he would probably beat the shit out of her anyway.

After the coffee was made, she handed the mug to the Jockey who giggled before drinking it.

She sighed, glancing at the Jockey in pity. "You're going to become addicted to it, you poor thing."

Sam realized that the Jockey was too busy drinking the coffee to care. Then an idea hit her. Because the infected was too busy with the coffee, she could make a break for it.

Grabbing her bat and bag, she ran out the house as fast as she could. She heard herself giggle but stopped, she did not want to alert the other infected.

"Grr!"

Too late. She froze, turning around slowly and saw a Hunter, who looked ready to pounce. As soon as the Hunter did pounce, she ducked, watching the Hunter bang into a car.

With an alarm…

That is not beeping loudly….

"Grr!"

…Well fuck, she just alerted a Horde.

What the heck was she supposed to do?! Stick around and try to fight the Common Infected? But there was a Hunter too!

She should have let the Jockey eat her.

Speaking of the Jockey, it seemed it was running over to her…wait, what? Before she could contemplate that, the Jockey did what all Jockey's were known for. Jumping on their victims back.

As the Horde came around the corner, seeing their pray, and the Hunter got in another position to pounce, the Jockey _led her away_ form the Horde and Hunter….

…And down a manhole.

"HOLY SHIT! AGH!"

Landing in the dirty water, she glared at the Jockey. If looks could kill threw Jockey would be dead.

The Jockey then hope off her back and began throwing the mucky water at her, drenching her completely. Sam spluttered but had no time to yell because the Jockey then managed to push her into a corner, silencing her.

She watched as the Horde jumped down the manhole and _ran past her_. She blinked in wonder, even more confused when the Hunter also pounced past her.

"What the heck?" She asked out loud, still not believing that she was alive. A laugh from beside her caused her to remember the Jockey.

"What the hell? I give you coffee and you throw muddy water at me?!" She exclaimed making the Jockey burst into giggles.

He then pulled out a familiar mug from nowhere and nudged her.

"You want more coffee?"

It nodded it's head frantically, still giggling hysterically.

She sighed, rubbing her eyes. "Fine, I guess it's not that easy to get rid of you, is it?"

"Hehehehehehehahahahah!"

"Stop that or no coffee!"

"Hehehe-!"

"Ah silence."

"Grr!" She suddenly heard and she felt herself freeze yet again. 'Oh God, it found me.'

The Jockey watched in awe as it's new 'friend' got pummelled by a Charger, but then it grew concerned.

If she dies, will he still get his coffee? Better stick around with her to get more coffee!

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**A/N: Tell me if I should continue~**

**The reason the Hunter and Horde missed her was because the Jockey covered her scent with the mucky water. They thought she was one of 'them' because the mud disguised her.**

**R&R**

**-Tailsdoll123**


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